A Note from: Santa Claus
I regret to inform you that, effective
immediately, I will no longer serve the
States of Georgia, Florida, North
and South Carolina, New Mexico, Arizona,
Oklahoma, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi,
Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas Eve.
Due to the overwhelming current population
of the earth, my contract was renegotiated
by North American Fairies and Elves Local
209. As part of the new and better contract
I also get longer breaks for milk and
cookies so keep that in mind.
However, I'm certain that your children will
be in good hands with your local
replacement, who happens to be my third
cousin, Bubba Claus. His side of the family
is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
delivering toys to all the good boys and
girls; however, there are a few differences
Differences such as:
1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing
your presents from Bubba Claus. He has a gun
rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads:"These toys insured by Smith and
2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus
prefers that children leave an RC cola and
pork rinds or a moon pie on the fireplace.
And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a
little snuff though, so please have an empty
spit can handy.
3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by
floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs instead of
reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him
a couple of my reindeer one time, and
Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on
Donner and Blitzen.." when Bubba Claus
arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt,
on Andretti, on Elliott and Petty."
5. "Ho, Ho, Ho!" has been replaced by "Yee
Haw!" And you also are likely to hear
Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat!"
6. As required by Southern highway laws,
Bubba Claus' sleigh does have a Yosemite Sam
safety sticker on the back with the words
7. The usual Christmas movie classics such
as "Miracle on 34th Street" and "It's a
Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your
negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see
"Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey and
the Bandit IV" featuring Burt Reynolds as
8. Bubba Claus doesn't always wear a belt.
If I were you, I'd make sure you, the wife,
and the kids turn the other way when he
bends over to put presents under the tree.
The song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" was performed by Margi Harrell
out Music CDs by Margi Harrell